Q: I HEARD THAT YOU WILL BE CO-STARRING IN A NEW SERIES WITH HUDSON LEICK CALLED "LOVE POLICE" WHICH SAM RAIMI, ROB TAPERT AND SHAUN CASSIDY ARE DEVELOPING NOW.

A: I AM NOT INVOLVED WITH THAT PROJECT IN ANY WAY.

Q: I HEARD THAT YOU HAVE THE STARRING ROLE OF "CHRIS" IN THE FILM "RESIDENT EVIL?"

A: I AM NOT INVOLVED WITH THAT FILM IN ANY WAY. JASON PATRICK HAS THE LEAD (CHRIS) OPPOSITE SAMANTHA MATHIS.

Q: I HEARD THAT YOU ARE IN "MEN IN BLACK," IS THIS TRUE?

A: NO. I ORIGINALLY HAD A SMALL ROLE IN THE FLICK, BUT I DROPPED OUT TO DO "TORNADO!"

Q: I SAW AN "EVIL DEAD IV" SCRIPT ON THE WEB, IS THIS THE REAL THING?

A: NO, NO, AND NO! THIS PHONEY EVIL DEAD IV SCRIPT IS IN NO WAY AFFILIATED WITH OR CONNECTED TO SAM RAIMI OR ME. IT'S JUST THE BRAINCHILD OF SOME GENIUS WHO APPARENTLY HAS NO IDEA THAT WHAT HE'S DOING IS ILLEGAL.

Q: IS IT TRUE YOU'RE CAST AS THE LEAD IN THE "DOOM" AND "SPIDERMAN" AND "QUAKE" AND "SUPERMAN" AND "BATMAN" MOVIES?

A: NO, BY GOLLY, I AM NOT "CAST AS THE LEAD" OR INVOLVED WITH EITHER THE "DOOM" OR "SPIDERMAN" OR "QUAKE" OR "SUPERMAN" OR "BATMAN" FLICKS. APPARENTLY, THE PRODUCERS CALLED ME, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE CALL WAITING...

Q: IS THAT YOUR VOICE IN "DUKE NUKEM?" IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE IT!

A: NO, IT'S NOT ME - SOME CHEEZEBALL SHEMP RIPPIN' OFF THE MIGHTY WORDS OF MR. RAIMI...

Q: HEY, SPEAKING OF SAM RAIMI, I HEARD YOU TWO HAD A FALLING OUT. IS THAT TRUE?

A: HOW COME I'M ALWAYS THE LAST ONE TO KNOW THESE THINGS? NO, SAM AND I DID NOT HAVE A FALLING OUT, AS SOME PEOPLE HAVE ERRONEOUSLY REPORTED.

HECK, RECENTLY, WE'VE WORKED TOGETHER ON "HERCULES," "XENA," AND "AMERICAN GOTHIC."

Q: HAVE YOU GIVEN ANY THOUGH TO WORKING ON THE NEW "STAR WARS" MOVIES?

A: WELL, LET'S JUST SAY THAT GOOD OL' GEORGE HASN'T CALLED ME... YET. THE OFFICIAL WORD

So, you want "Evil Dead IV"/"Army of Darkness II," eh?

Well, don't hold your breath, buckos. There have been rumors a plenty flying around the whacky Web so I have decided to post the definative answer.

The 4th installment hasn't been made for a simple reason - "Army of Darkness" didn't rake in enough cash to justify another film. The basic economics of Hollywood rule, gang, I hate to break it to you. It's like this - no Box Office, no sequel. No other explanation is correct, no other one is needed.

Let me be clear, however, on one point: I'd be happy to do it - so would Sam, but let's not beat that dead horse any more until it becomes a reality...IF it ever does.

Now, I could lie to you, but you're grown up (some of you) and I'm sure you'd rather have the straight dope than some phony wind-bag explanation. In the meantime, enjoy the slew of re-releases coming your way...